Philanthropy & Kids: Crossing Generation with Giving
Being immersed in philanthropy has given me a unique perspective when it comes to being a parent. There are, of course, circumstances I come across regularly that tug at my heart strings -- particularly with non-profits that are raising money for babies in a NICU, kids whose parents can't afford school supplies, and middle-school aged refugees who want the chance to play a sport in their new city (Syracuse, trust me, their soccer skills are unmatched!) -- and I ache to help every single one of those children that I can.
But, there's more than just exposure to charitable organization that gets my wheels turning when I think about my own kids. Phil and I spend countless hours discussing the opportunities we have to impact people, and in recent years, that focus has included our kids, too. How do we show them what we do and why it matters if they aren't living it everyday? How can they realize the extent of "need" in their town, city, state, country and world if they themselves don't face the specific struggles? The answer isn't easy. It's hard to constantly tell them about something and just hope it sets in. And we realize other parents struggle with this same thing.
Our daughter, Amira, with the supplies she collected for a local non-profit at her first birthday party.
In our family, we've found a way to involve them, and through our work advising families on their own philanthropy, we realize that the idea and thought process is transferable. Make them a part of the decision. When we think about where we are going to invest our philanthropic dollars, we now allocate a portion of what we intend to give to the discretion of our kids, and they decide TOGETHER where that money will go. You will be amazed at how interested they are in supporting something that they care about. We like to find a few non-profits with different areas of focus (things that benefit animals, young kids and the environment seem to be especially popular for ours), and "present" them to our kids. Using age-appropriate language is key for the young ones because this feels so foreign to them, but for your older kids, you will find that they ask fascinating questions, are surprised by some needs and hardships that exist, and feel excited about the idea of giving something for a cause that is bigger than them.
When we work on setting up family foundations, families often have teenage to adult aged "children" of their own (and grandchildren, too), and while the conversations are more sophisticated, they are actually much of the same. Showing your kids what you care about as a philanthropist, and what moves you to help the people around you, shows them a different side of their parents. It's also inspiring. They do what they see, and if they see you making an impact as a result of thoughtful deliberation, they will do the same. We encourage families to consider allocating even 10% of their philanthropic monies to be given away by their kids. Everyone getting the chance to talk about their own values and principles is extraordinary (and my favorite part when we’re lucky enough to be a part of these conversations). The parents learn a great deal about their children, and the children learn more about the world than they realize. This becomes "their thing." They have a sense of pride, and motivation, and the same joy that all of us get when we support people, a project, or a place that needs us the most.
As hard as it is to get families together when grown kids are living in different cities, invested in different things, and generational divide can make communication sometimes feel like hard work, get together around philanthropy! Make it an annual priority. Send a calendar invite so they can't avoid it on their phones. Set a weekend aside and meet in a city where you can devote time to this topic, and as a result, one another. When we help lead these conversations for families during retreats, we truly see them unite. In the future, when your kids are thinking about their own kids and how to bring their family together, they will make carrying on your philanthropy retreats an absolute priority.
